How Keeping Holiday Traditions Alive Makes A Strong Family
Holiday traditions that are repeated year after year build relationships and create a shared bond among family members.
Most of us have memories of something we did every year during the holidays.
Ask anyone about their childhood memories. Most people will quickly respond with something they recall about the way their family observed the holidays. Even the simplest things, like “we decorated a tree” or “we always had ham (or turkey, or lasagna)” can become cherished family traditions.
Traditions are important because they bind family members together. As noted in a recent post, a sense of belonging is a basic human need. Participating in or observing the same activities year after year establishes that you aren’t isolated or alone. You are part of a family circle with its own culture and shared experiences.
Any time we retell those memories or share them with others it places us back in the circle. Often, the memories that stand out the most are when something didn’t go as planned. Or when there was an outright disaster. Take the time I accidentally set a glass baking dish full of cocktail weenies on a hot burner one Thanksgiving. My family has often laughed about how it exploded all over the kitchen. These experiences might not have been so funny at the time, but we all remember them in detail, and they link us together.
I think holiday traditions can also provide a sense of stability. Neither Bob nor I had a perfect upbringing. But knowing we would have the same experiences every Thanksgiving or Christmas gave us some security. No matter what might have been happening in other areas of our lives, we could count on the holidays. When I think back on the best parts of my childhood, those are my most cherished memories.
Every family has its own definition of “traditions.” And the practices and observances that make them up vary widely.
The traditions your family holds dear may be based on religious beliefs, cultural expressions, or childhood experiences. Bob and I were both raised in a Christian home in the 50s and 60s, so our traditions reflect that.
Like most married couples starting out, when we started our family we combined some of the things our families did. In addition to those we carried on from our childhoods, we started some of our own.
Baking Christmas cookies was a major tradition in my family, and I enjoyed continuing that with my kids. Other things that came from my side were a lot of the dishes we eat on the holidays (including clam dip and cheese balls), some vintage decorations I inherited when my mom passed away, and visiting Santa to get a picture taken.
Bob’s Santa experience when he was a child and mine were different. When he and his siblings woke up on Christmas morning, their presents were all wrapped and waiting under the tree. My sisters and I found ours unwrapped and arranged in three separate groups. Our filled stockings were laid in front of them to show who they were for. The first year after we had our oldest son, there was a bit of a discussion about how Santa was going to leave his presents. I capitulated, but on the condition that Bob had to do all the wrapping. So every Christmas Eve he would be surrounded by wrapping paper and boxes on the living room floor while I made the strata for Christmas breakfast. (I suspect there were a few times he might have regretted insisting on his way.)
Many of the holiday traditions we cherish in our immediate family developed over time.
One that is especially meaningful to me was making new ornaments for the tree each year when the kids were growing up. I think it started when someone brought home a cute one from preschool or Sunday school, and it inspired me to create some of our own. For many years, each of the kids made one and we painted on their names and the year. Opening their ornament boxes and placing them on the tree every Christmas became a tradition, too, after a while.
We wanted our kids to experience the joy of giving and not just receiving at Christmas. So Bob and I took turns taking each of our three kids on a special shopping day. They had a small budget to spend on gifts for Mom and Dad and their siblings. It was fun to see them picking out their presents. On Christmas Eve, they were often more excited about how their gifts were received than what they got themselves.
When our daughter was five or six, she was dazzled by our neighbor Diane’s nutcracker collection. That sweet lady gave her a nutcracker for Christmas, and we have continued the tradition since then. When we set them out last year, I think we counted over thirty nutcrackers of all shapes and sizes. Many of them tell a story about something our daughter had done the year she received it.
As I was thinking about writing this post, I thought of a number of our family’s holiday traditions.
Some are a little more elaborate like the ones above. Others are small things that just stuck. Like listening to the Johnny Mathis Christmas album while we decorate the tree–just because I love it. Or passing out one gift to each person and counting “One, two, three, GO!” before we rip into them while opening presents on Christmas Eve. Or watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” as the last thing we do on Christmas Day.
As I think of each of these little rituals that make up the unique experience of the holidays for our family, I have to smile. They might seem odd or even silly to other people, but they define who we are as a family. I hope my kids will pass some of them on to the next generation. But even if they don’t, I know the memories will make them smile, too.