Is Honesty Always the Best Policy?

We were taught that honesty is the best policy, and we should be truthful in everything. But is complete honesty always the best policy?

Most people would agree that overall, honesty is the best policy.

Common sense tells us lies will come out, and being dishonest generally ends badly. We’ve all witnessed the fallout when someone’s lies are exposed. If you have any life experience at all, you’ve seen cases where a person who is doing something dishonest gets caught and their whole world comes crashing down.

If we’re really being honest, we’ve probably all been caught in a web of our own deceit at some point. Who among us has not told a lie when it seemed like the easier path to take? You could argue that the propensity to lie seems to be inherent in us as humans. There are countless funny videos on social media of children telling some real whoppers.

In most cases, it isn’t learned behavior. On the contrary, we try to teach our children to be honest. Remember the story about George Washington chopping down the cherry tree? Or Pinocchio’s nose growing? Or the boy who cried wolf?

As we grow and mature, we learn that lying brings trouble and results in unpleasant consequences. One of the greatest of these is breaking trust.

A relationship is all about sharing the core of who we are with another person. It is nearly impossible to do this without trust. And once trust is broken, it is a hard thing to rebuild, especially if it happens more than once.

So we can conclude that we should always seek to be completely honest and truthful with the people we love, right? Well, maybe not completely honest…

Do We Really Want Absolute Honesty In Everything? Maybe We Can’t Handle the Truth!

I’ve had people my life who I loved and who were a joy to me in many ways. But they would often tell me things about myself that (shall we say) needed to be improved. If I ever asked for their opinion, they would freely give it–and it was usually negative.

I’ve thought about this a lot, and I’ve come to the conclusion that when I ask someone’s opinion, what I’m actually seeking is for them to validate mine. Or to encourage and uplift me. If I say “Does this outfit make me look fat?” or “Do I look older with this haircut?” what I really want to hear is “You look beautiful!”

In addition, I don’t need someone constantly pointing out my flaws. I am probably more aware of them than anyone. What I need is for the people in my life to point out what’s good in me. No one ever changes by being told they are bad. Change happens when we are able to see ourselves as good and worthy and valuable.

Honesty is the best policy, but sometimes it is wise to choose carefully how we are being honest.

We can and should always be honest with others, but we also need to learn to handle that in the best way. For instance, does it benefit anyone to be truthful if it might hurt them? I’m not suggesting you tell a “little white lie” when you have a negative opinion. Rather, find something you can say with complete honesty. Like “That color looks great on you,” when you don’t really like the outfit they chose. Or “I love your enthusiasm for your project,” when you don’t especially love the results.

Other times, we should be careful about when we’re being honest.

Not long ago, Bob went to a new barber just before we were leaving for a trip. When he came home, I took one look at his head and my heart sank. But was that the right time to tell him I thought it was the worst cut he’d ever had? NO! Not when there was absolutely nothing he could do about it–except maybe wear a hat for our whole trip. I wanted to be truthful and tell him he should never go back there, but that would do nothing but make him feel embarrassed for the next few weeks until it grew out. The best time to tell him was when he was due for another haircut.

Before blurting out our opinions or our honest thoughts, perhaps we should take a second to consider.

Is this something that could make or break trust in our relationship? If, so then I need to be absolutely truthful. But is there a better way–or a better time–I could choose to be honest in this situation? Honesty IS always the best policy. Let’s just learn to be careful with it!

What do you think? Tell us your thoughts about honesty being the best policy in the comments.