Words of Wisdom From 65 Years of Experience
Does wisdom come with age? Or does it come from life experience? Here are my top five words of wisdom from my 65 years of experience.
I turned 65 earlier this month, so I’m officially old.
It’s not that I feel old. But the government started giving me Medicare, and I’m collecting Social Security, so I guess that says I am old. It seems like a milestone of some sort to reach 65, and I’ve been contemplating a lot lately. What wisdom have I gained from over six decades of life experience? What do I know now that I wish I had known then? What would I want the younger generation to learn from my insights? Here are a few words of wisdom I think are most important:
1. You Can’t Change Anyone.
This is a hard one for some of us to accept. Especially when you’re married. I will admit I spent years of my life trying to mold (that sounds better, doesn’t it) my husband into the image I had for him. I did the same with my kids. All for their own good, of course. But eventually I came to the realization that it’s hard enough to change myself, much less anyone else. Now I’m trying to focus more on celebrating the good things in each of us (including myself). Which leads me into the next point…
2. It’s All About Identity.
I talked abut identity in this post a while ago. It took me too long to learn how vital our identity is, and I deeply regret not understanding it when my kids were growing up. I would have parented them completely differently if I had understood that your whole life will be affected by who you believe you are. We’ve all seen stories about people who rose from horrendous circumstances to achieve great things in life. Why were they able to do that when countless others could not? They knew who they were, and they didn’t let anything affect that.
Our kids have all done very well, and we are super proud of them. But I wish I would have given them more encouragement and validation about who they really are inside when they were little. In the same way, I wish I would have done that more for Bob. Who knows how our lives may have been different if we had learned the importance of identity and taught it to our children early on. Instead of trying to teach them to be good, I wish I would have told them more often that they already are good – that they are perfect, valued, and wonderfully made no matter what. I love how Aibileen shows us this kind of affirmation in the movie The Help. Or what this mama is teaching her kids about who they are. It’s a game changer.
3. Other People’s Opinions Don’t Matter.
Much of what we believe about ourselves can come from what others think or how the world tells us we should be. But the truth is, all of that is subjective. Fads and fashions come and go. And people come and go in your life. Sadly, there are people whose whole identity is based on a chance word they overheard someone say about them. When people say unkind things about others it’s coming from their own dysfunction, and we shouldn’t let it affect us. A while from now, that person could be a distant memory. So who cares what they think? You be you!
4. “Stuff” Really Doesn’t Matter.
Material things don’t bring happiness. As a matter of fact, material things often just cause us more work, stress, and money. Have you heard the old saying that the two happiest days in a boat owner’s life are the day they buy it and the day they get rid of it? That’s been true of a lot of things in our life. Years ago I realized that every little thing I add to my life requires some kind of upkeep or commitment. I was trying to clean the gunk out of a toothbrush holder I had recently acquired, and it hit me that it was more of a hassle to keep that ceramic vessel clean that just throwing the toothbrushes in the drawer. It made me a lot more careful about what I bought or brought into my life from that point on.
This video from The Minimal Mom was a revelation to me about why more stuff actually takes away my peace. I’m happy to see there seems to be a trend to live with less these days. People everywhere are learning that the less you have, the less you have to deal with or worry about. And that brings me to my last words of wisdom…
5. Don’t Hold On To Anything Too Tightly.
I’ve always hated change. These days, it’s harder than ever for me to avoid it, because it seems to be happening faster than ever. Development is literally changing the area we live in overnight. Technology changes all the time. It seems like every time I go to work, a program has been updated or we’re using some new platform. People and relationships come and go from our lives like a revolving door (especially in transient Florida). Things, break, wear out, become outdated or irrelevant.
Resisting all these changes is exhausting and makes for a pretty unhappy life. So I try to maintain an “easy come, easy go” attitude. I am only able to do this when I practice a more eternal perspective–that this life is only a minute part of our eternal lives. The best way I know to deal with loss is to remember all we will gain when this life ends. And every birthday is another year closer!